How's the adoption going?

Yeh, this has been a question that has been hard for me to answer.  Then it got easier to answer and life has been so dang busy that I'm just now answering it.  So here goes...

Just before Christmas, we were inquiring about why we hadn't received a court date (this is your appointment with the Ethiopian courts which executes an adoption on the Ethiopian side of things).  It was taking longer than usual, so we began to ask questions.  The answer came back that the birth father was reconsidering his decision to have the boys adopted.  Which, of course, was very unsettling.  The worst part is the wait to find out information.  We are so used to having information at the touch of a button, that it makes communication with Ethiopia feel like courier pigeon.  The result was ultimately that the boys got to go home.  Not with us, as we thought, but with their father.  I remember when we first knew what the birth father was considering, Mark had the clearest perspective.  He said, "If he wants his boys, than that is exactly where they should be."  And he began praying from a father's heart for another father half way across the world.  He prayed that the Lord would provide for this man so that he would be able to bring his boys home and care for them.  That is exactly what the Lord did.  To quote my boys, "Now there are two less orphans in the world!"  I will be completely honest to say that it took me longer to come around to this perspective, for multiple reasons.  Some out of concern for the boys, most rooted in my own selfishness.  Funny how people often comment at how "selfless" we are to be adopting.  Reality is, I am as selfish as I've ever been.  My frustration with this process exposes that over and over.  Truth is, I want adoption to be more like a TLC baby shower with ribbons and bows and cute outfits and soft pastels and cake and background music... but adoption exists because orphans exist.  Although adoption IS a beautiful thing in so many ways, it is born out of tragedy and heartache.  Two sweet little boys, whose faces are forever etched in my heart, lost their mother to malaria and then their father, home and family for 9 months.  Ain't nothin pretty about that.  I have a picture in my head of the happy reunion and them leaving the orphanage with their father holding each by the hand.  I have no idea if any of that is how it went down.  I like that picture though.  Ribbons and bows, anyone?

The one thing I DO know, is God is sovereign in all these things.  He is also GOOD, oh so good.  His plan for all this is good.  After all, he is in the "beauty for ashes" business.  If He can take the shame and scandal of the cross and buy my freedom from slavery and bondage to my sin... then I know he is able to make all things good and for His glory out of all of this.

Update, but still no court date...

Well, I had one of those amazing moments that have only come since I have gotten my iphone.  I'm sitting at the drive through this afternoon and I check my email and "bling"... a new email from our program coordinator!  Unfortunately, it did NOT contain a court date.  What it did contain was health and developmental updates for the boys and new pics.  They continue to be described as healthy, happy and active boys.  I read the sweet comments about our Titus who is everything from "cooperative and respectful" to "concerned for small children".  Elijah had very similar comments but I laughed out loud when I read the last "sometimes quarrel with peers and disturb other kids"... whoa does that sound like the current "baby" at my house.  He'll fit in just fine!

Still no smiles on their sweet little faces.  How I long to see those smiles.  I suddenly feel so inadequate, so unprepared.  I used to say to the boys when they were little, amidst showers of hugs and kisses "love turns a frown, up-side-down!" (I know, it's cheezy, but they LOVED it)... it seemed so easy then.  This doesn't feel so easy.  I see their tattered clothes and their ashy skin.  I so want to clothe them, and feed them and moisturize that skin!!  I am staring at these faces that I am falling in love with more and more, and for the first time, as a mother looking at the faces of her children, I wonder... will they love me back?  I never wondered that before, but I face the reality that bonding will take time and patience.  I am struck by how adoption is once again such a picture of the gospel.  I know the love, care and provision that is waiting for, even more, pursuing Titus and Elijah right now.  I know that they will not, at least for a while, love us back.  But, I also know how very good it will be for them that they do love us back.  That they receive and be wrapped up in this bond of family.  How much is it just like that with me and my Heavenly Father.  Yes God has pursued me, rescued me from the tatters and ashes of my sin.  I do so very much love HIM back now, and that is indeed very good for me!

Waiting, waiting, waiting

Patience is a virtue that I long for more in my life.  I'm sure my mom would nod, smile and tell you how I have always been rather impatient.   If you struggle with patience, I suggest you adopt internationally.  We are currently waiting for the email that reads "you are to appear in court in Ethiopia...".  I find myself checking my email a ridiculous amount of times during the day, hoping to see that email sitting in the inbox.  In the meantime, we continue fundraising for our travel expenses, which of course, I should be thankful for the time we have to do this.  I also realize that because the match with our boys came through the "Waiting Child Program", we are still moving rather quickly for adopting from Ethiopia right now.  It has just changed things so much now that there are two little boys in a care center half a world away that we are so very ready to bring home.  I am aware that every day that goes by is one day more of their lives that we are missing.  I understand that this is totally common to most adoptive families.  It just doesn't change the reality of it in our lives.  It is remniscent of when I was in the latter part of pregnancy with the boys... I was consumed with all of the things I needed to get done around the house before the baby arrived, but I longed to see that face for the first time and hold that sweet thing in my arms.  I think this is just the way it should feel... we are excitedly awaiting the arrival of Titus and Elijah in our home, and they deserve to be eagerly longed for... and oh, they how are!

modern day manna

Today I am mailing of what I think is the last of my "match" paperwork.  I say "I think" because I actually thought I did that last week, to find out one of the initialed, signed and notarized forms was to be done in triplicate.  The only thing that exceeds the enormity of the paperwork is the cost of adopting.    I just finished an application for some financial aid to help with our travel expenses that required an itemized list of our expenses.  This was the first time, since accepting the referral for our two boys that I   had totaled up what our costs were and where we were at.  Our estimated adoption costs at this point for both boys is just under $50,000.00.  Yep, that's right, $50k!  But here is where I have to stop.  Here is where I tell any plain old, paycheck to paycheck family like us,  hold on! Don't click shut down or close the window... because this is where it gets good.  You see, it is so like the unattainable requirement that God has placed on us that we have fallen hopelessly short of (Romans 3:23).  Our sin has separated us from a holy God.  He requires that we be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:16), and praise be to Him that everything God demands, HE SUPPLIES in Christ Jesus our Lord.  So, with our adoption, God's financial provision has been like manna.  Seriously, like manna!  Going into this, we knew we didn't have the resources to pay for all of this, but knew the Lord would provide.  I remember a dear friend of mine who had recently adopted telling me to just "get ready" to see what God will do.  She was right.  Looking back over the past year, it has been truly amazing.  Every time we have had to write a check, it has been there.  Most of the time, it has been just enough.  I remember writing the check for our dossier and it left me with $1.30 in our adoption account (this has been the rule not the exception).  I remember saying, "ain't no worms gonna feed in THAT account!".  Funds have come in various ways, from us selling things in our house that had no "kingdom" value but good monetary value, all the way to friends and families writing checks both big and small from hearts eager to support us, all desiring to be God's hands and feet.  We had a friend go to pick up a picture of our family at the photographer's to be used in at a fundraising event, and another friend happened to be there and said "I'll pay for that".  When we got the surprise referral for our TWO boys and accepted it, another friend called THE NEXT DAY with a HUGE donation that almost covered the cost of adding the second child.  I'm in awe all over again as I write this.  Is this because of us?  Is this because we have had such great faith?  The answer is a resounding NO.  We have worried and fretted at times, second guessed ourselves, grumbled at the paperwork and the costs, complained about what we sacrifice along the way.  That's not the pretty picture of faith that I like to blog about, but it's the gut honest truth.  Have we doubted the calling? No.  Have we said, should we be doing this? No.  But we've wrestled with our flesh to be obedient all along the way.  It disgusts me as I write it in light of the amazing things our God is doing.  But it's the truth.  Once again, this is HIS TESTIMONY.  This is all about our God.  It is all about an extraordinary God at work in the lives of ordinary, flesh and blood human beings.  It is truly a tale of His undeserved grace in the hearts of people that have earned the opposite.  It is so HE gets the glory, HE is the one who is so amazing! We boast in the greatness of who He is and what He is doing in the Williams' family, both here and across the ocean.  I'm so thankful that He is penning this story in our lives.  I'm excited to turn these pages as the days go by.  I hope you'll continue to read it as He writes...

"Would you be open to a sibling group?"

Hmmm.... we answer questions all the time.  If you have small children at home, you answer them constantly.  Some questions aren't so significant, like, "What's for dinner?" of "Plain or buttered?".  Some questions, by their answer, change the course of your life, like, "Will you marry me?".  We got a question like that from our adoption agency about 2 weeks ago.  Imbedded in an email of introduction from the Waiting Child Program was the question... would you potentially be open to adopting a sibling group instead of a single child?  A question like that just begs more questions.  Would we have to raise our age limit?  Would we need to be open to adopting girls?  Etc, etc.  With a call to the adoption agency, it was with those questions I began the call.  The answer was, "Well, honestly, we actually had a particular sibling group in mind."  She then proceeded to tell me about 2 brothers ages 3 and 4.  I was standing outside on a beautiful summer afternoon having this phone conversation and I remember thinking, mark this down, remember this moment, because this may be one of those moments that changes life forever.  Indeed.  The next couple days were spent with Mark and I praying, crying and working through the decision to go from three to FIVE sons!  Yeh, that takes some thinking about.  However, at the same time, it seemed so obvious.  Really Lord? TWO boys?  You know that makes FIVE, right?  Of course you do, you can count, you invented counting... yes, I remember, 2 by 2...  Seriously, though, I think our boys had the best perspective of all.  We called a family meeting and asked the boys what they thought about having two little brothers instead of one.  They didn't even understand why we were belaboring the question.  To them it was very simple.  This was the BEST news ever.  What was there to even think about?  OF COURSE they wanted two brothers.  Joshua was borderline frustrated that we even hesitated.  This is what we do.  We are christians, called to adopt.  This is what God would have us do.  They belong with us.  These are our brothers..... so, decision made.  Question answered.  Yes, we would like to pursue adoption of these two brothers.... and so, it begins... 

So, why are you adopting?

That is the question people most like to ask us when they find out that this family, who already has 3 boys, is adopting.  We really get some quizzical looks when they find out we are adopting 2 more BOYS.  Well, it is the favorite question people like to ask and it is my favorite question to answer.  The "why" we are adopting is this. That we, Mark and I, individually, were adopted.  You see, we were adopted into God's family of grace by way of the cross.  We were orphaned by our sin.  Jesus Christ rescued us from hopelessness and darkness, gave us new names, made us sons and daughters, fellow heirs.  So now, we are living out in our lives, not just in our minds and hearts, but in our actions, this picture.  I am both humbled and in awe of being a part of something so powerful as living out the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So...but, how did you come to that decision?  "Survey says" that is the next question we get.  Like, what did making that decision look like in our lives.  Most of the time I think people expect some deep, soul stirring answer telling about a time with a divine encounter that called us to cross an ocean and rescue orphans.  You know, it just wasn't that spectacular.  Our pastor, in the faithful preaching and teaching of the word, set the mandate from James 1:27 before us.  Then we began asking ourselves, well, what about us?  We went through all the reasons to adopt and all the reasons not to.  The reasons not to, just weren't good enough.  The reasons not to mostly stemmed from, as Mark would say, our selfishness.  Reasons like wanting to hang on to onto time, money, comforts.  The desire for a life of ease, that our flesh tells us we deserve.  But if we were created to "glorify God and enjoy Him forever", then all of our time, money and resources are His to bring Him glory.  No greater joy in life than living what we were created to do.  So, yeh, we just couldn't find a "why not to" that was good enough.

Lastly, is... so, why adopt boys?  Don't you want a girl?  Well, that is simple.  My gosh, what would we do with a girl? (I am actually quoting my boys here).  There is not a lampshade in my house that is not crooked or a picture that is straight.  We have tons of smelly shoes in the "shoe closet" by the door, learned the art of paneling over holes in walls, and always have someone who is hungry (thank you teen years).  A typical day is full of spills and thrills.  Summers, Mark can come home to a house full of 10-12 boys as the neighborhood gathers (yes, we have mostly boys on the street too!) and cousins and friends arrive.  Its like the house moves with the action and we are accustomed to noise.  All this, and we absolutely LOVE it.  Counts us blessed... yes, yes, very very blessed.