Update, but still no court date...

Well, I had one of those amazing moments that have only come since I have gotten my iphone.  I'm sitting at the drive through this afternoon and I check my email and "bling"... a new email from our program coordinator!  Unfortunately, it did NOT contain a court date.  What it did contain was health and developmental updates for the boys and new pics.  They continue to be described as healthy, happy and active boys.  I read the sweet comments about our Titus who is everything from "cooperative and respectful" to "concerned for small children".  Elijah had very similar comments but I laughed out loud when I read the last "sometimes quarrel with peers and disturb other kids"... whoa does that sound like the current "baby" at my house.  He'll fit in just fine!

Still no smiles on their sweet little faces.  How I long to see those smiles.  I suddenly feel so inadequate, so unprepared.  I used to say to the boys when they were little, amidst showers of hugs and kisses "love turns a frown, up-side-down!" (I know, it's cheezy, but they LOVED it)... it seemed so easy then.  This doesn't feel so easy.  I see their tattered clothes and their ashy skin.  I so want to clothe them, and feed them and moisturize that skin!!  I am staring at these faces that I am falling in love with more and more, and for the first time, as a mother looking at the faces of her children, I wonder... will they love me back?  I never wondered that before, but I face the reality that bonding will take time and patience.  I am struck by how adoption is once again such a picture of the gospel.  I know the love, care and provision that is waiting for, even more, pursuing Titus and Elijah right now.  I know that they will not, at least for a while, love us back.  But, I also know how very good it will be for them that they do love us back.  That they receive and be wrapped up in this bond of family.  How much is it just like that with me and my Heavenly Father.  Yes God has pursued me, rescued me from the tatters and ashes of my sin.  I do so very much love HIM back now, and that is indeed very good for me!